— George Carlin (via realizes)
That is what religion teaches, not what God teaches and that is very sad.
I am over weight, obese, big, curvy, fat or whatever else descriptor you wish to use. I plan trips and worry more about fitting in the seat than if my flight is on time. I walk in rooms and hope my thighs don’t make too much noise. I am constantly aware of myself. I am also constantly pretending I don’t care.
I hate the body I have and I want to make it different. I am taking steps to do just that. What I truly need though is acceptance. Real acceptance, not the “I will always love you but you still need to lose weight” kind of acceptance. I know I need to lose weight, my body hurts and Im not happy. I don’t need reminded or monitored, I just need accepted.
I don’t need coddling either. I don’t need a boyfriend. As much as I want to be loved I want to be happy first. I need to wrap my brain around that concept. I have friends and support and filial love. I will survive but now I wish to flourish. Any positive comments would be great. My mom always tried incentives but they just felt like ultimatums. “Lose weight and Ill take you some place you have never been” has always felt like I wasn’t good enough to go unless I was thin. Punished if I failed. That pressure takes away the joy of the experience. So no deals with myself. Just living a slightly more comfortable existence.
Thanks for the space to speak my thoughts.